Just stumbled upon this wonderful post about the similarities between Third Culture Kids (TCKs) and the “Disaffected Mormon Underground” — people raised in the Mormon church, and who remain culturally Mormon, but not religiously so. It raises all sorts of wonderful questions and opportunities for me. I just love stumbling upon new and interesting groups of Cross Cultural Kids (CCKs) like this!
I have been interested, for some time, in doing a Mormon/Mainstream-American cross-cultural story. But all my efforts to interview LDS folk about the cultural aspects of Mormonism kept devolving into theological pitch-fests. Now, the thought occurs: perhaps I was asking the wrong people?
So, to all my cross-cultural siblings in the “Disaffected Mormon Underground” community (and any others with solid knowledge of the Mormon way of life, who are able and willing to differentiate between the cultural norms and theology), I ask: Can you help me to understand what you see as the essential differences between Mormon culture, and mainstream American culture? I’m interested in both the benefits and challenges that you feel Mormon culture offers.
Comment away!
February 26, 2010 at 7:25 am
Hm, where to start? Mormonism is a hugely family-centric culture. This has benefits and drawbacks, to be sure. I was one of the few kids in my circle of non-Mormon friends whose parents weren’t divorced. On the one hand, I admired my parents for staying together through thick and thin. But as an adult and an ex-Mormon, part of me wonders sometimes if it was the best thing for them.
I find this family-centric culture I grew up with influences some of my own choices now. It was the norm for Mormon women to stay home with their kids and not work, while for my husband, who was never Mormon, it was the opposite. All the moms he knew worked. So when our daughter was born, I was much more comfortable with the idea of me leaving my job to stay home with the baby than my husband was.
I knew I had the option of putting our daughter in daycare and keeping my job, I knew there would be nothing shameful or unusual in that; I knew all the feminist arguments for and against. But I gravitated toward giving my own daughter the childhood I’d grown up with.
February 26, 2010 at 8:02 am
I think the “essential differences” vary quite a bit from one generation to the next, and also depend on where you live (eg. in a highly-Mormon area or not).
I’ve written a couple of posts on what the essential differences are to me. Perhaps these are the sort of thing you’re looking for: my tribe and background.
February 26, 2010 at 9:00 am
Thank you, chanson! This is exactly the sort of thing I am looking for. I will poke around your blog a bit for more, but would love it if you could reply here with links to any other blog posts you have written on the subject.
February 26, 2010 at 9:06 am
Thanks for your post, Therese. This is a critically important difference. I wonder, are there any particular rules/customs/traditions in the Mormon community for the manner in which one is supposed to run a household? I have hear rumors about requirements for emergency preparedness, keeping stores of extra food, etc. on hand to provide for family in times of crisis. Is this accurate? Are there other requirements/traditions?
February 26, 2010 at 9:26 am
Family prayer every night was big (we all knelt in a circle in the living room and said a prayer together). This could be a big source of conflict – it was hard to get everyone together away from what they were doing, especially for the more rebellious kids in the family who were generally resentful.
Also, family home evening every Monday for a long time – if you don’t know about it, it’s a quasi-obligatory “family night” where the family gathers and someone is supposed to give a brief uplifting lesson and then you’re supposed to do some “fun” activity, like make rice crispy treats shaped like gingerbread men, or sing songs, etc.
And oh yes, emergency preparedness. My mom still has a whole wall of a guest room devoted to it – boxes and boxes of emergency supplies. You’re supposed to have enough to last a year, but my mom’s year’s supply would probably last five years.
February 26, 2010 at 9:39 am
LOL, Therese! There is probably a story in the disaster caused by the collapse of that wall of emergency supplies.
February 26, 2010 at 11:23 am
I would like to second Chanson’s words. There is a multitude of Mormon cultures.
Converts tend to live differently than legacy Mormons. For example, in Utah “open minded” is a dirty word. If you are open minded it is code for not being obedient to the prophet.
In Germany, you will hardly be a Mormon unless you are open minded. Likewise, most western European Mormons tend to be lefties. If you were a conservative, you would have little reason to join an obscure American religion.
Just like there are liberal Mormons in Deseret (Utah etc.), there are conservative Mormons in western Europe but the percentages are reversed.
In Europe, even hippies are quite common among Mormons.
February 26, 2010 at 11:38 am
Very good point, Hellmut, and I am dope-slapping myself for not presuming as much. It is only natural that a global religious following would have varied cultural norms, depending upon host culture. I suppose I need to be more specific in my line of questioning, then. If I limit the query to the cultural norms of Mormon families living within the continental U.S.A., is there likely to be more consistency?
Chanson suggests that there can also be wide cultural variations, depending upon whether or not the family lives in an area with a high concentration of Mormons. Could this be akin to the difference in experience between military brats living “on-base” versus “on the economy” when posted abroad? (One remains more closely connected to American culture when on base, but might acculturate more to the host culture, if living off-base, on the local economy.)
Maybe we should focus this discussion more tightly, on cultural norms in the context of a richly American Mormon community, in which the culture is not a marginalized minority, but the thriving “mainstream” within its region.
Does that make my question easier to answer?
February 26, 2010 at 2:00 pm
Ayako sent me over to “about how LDS live their lives without getting into the scriptures.”
We’ve got a large family (6 kids) which is pretty rare in here in California, in or out of the church. We go to church on Sunday. My teenagers go to an early-morning church class. My oldest is opting out most mornings. Wednesday nights the oldest four go to activities at the church. Again, the oldest frequently opts out. My eight-year-old has just begun going to a bi-monthly Wednesday afternoon church activity. The church is four miles away, and that’s a lot of back-and-forthing. Not fond of Wednesdays actually.
On the home front, we should have daily family prayer, daily family scripture study and a weekly family activity or lesson. We generally get in a few of the former per week and a couple of the latter per month. The kids drag their feet. We’ve taken to bribing them with lemon drops which seems to increase their enthusiasm a little.
We are encouraged to be prepared for emergencies by having 72 hour kit, 2 weeks of water, a year’s supply of staples, and a three month supply of everyday food. Our family has about a 10-day food supply in our fridge and pantry. And an eternal supply of wheat in the attic (maybe 50 lbs) which shall never be used. Every Spring, I plant a tiny garden which I allow to die every Summer. It just works out that way.
In terms of social life, the ward (congregation) meets socially two or three times a year and there are a variety of service-type activities that come up as well. People tend to socialize on their own with people of their own age, interests, and social status. Sometimes people branch our a bit. Everyone is invited to a park day that So-and-so is putting together, but if she was doing it at her place then the invitations would get more exclusive.
On the subject of our eating habits, the Word of Wisdom forbids coffee, tea, alcohol, tobacco and harmful drugs. Ayako mentioned that because we don’t drink or smoke, parties tend to have more sweets and snacks. That’s true, in my experience. There is the eternal debate about caffeinated sodas. It’s about 70/30 around here, with the 30% holding the it’s-addictive-so-you-shouldn’t-drink-it standpoint. Then there’s the tiramasu/coq-au-vin debate. (Can you eat in in a cake? Can you eat in with a steak?) I’d say it goes 30/70 there. More people seem to reject the idea that all the alcohol/coffee cooks out.
Most people are moderately conservative politically. With some really loud exceptions both directions.
We’re asked to avoid R-rated movies and salacious and/or violent entertainment in general. Sex outside of marriage is a no-no. As is making out. People are much more likely to hold the line on the sex than on the making out.
There’s a lot of pressure to love everybody (no matter how weird or belligerent they are), to be kind, to be good examples. It’s a good thing, if you don’t take it too far.
I’m sure I’ve missed some vital parts of everyday Mormon life. But I am nothing if not an endless spring of opinions, so ask away if you want more.
February 26, 2010 at 2:27 pm
Wonderful brain-dump, Jami. Thanks for posting. Let me chew on that for a bit. I’m sure I will have more questions, which I will formulate as I digest the first round of information!
February 26, 2010 at 5:49 pm
An excellent summary of the Mormon checklist. Perhaps the most important theological feature of Mormonism is the requirement to obey the prophet.
As a result, Mormonism has endless checklists that serve as obedience markers. For example, the word of wisdom is ostensibly about certain health rules. However, its real function is to serve as an obedience marker.
Since we have all those checklists against which we measure ourselves and others, we can get quite judgmental.
While Utah Mormons can be incredibly generous hosts to outsiders, my impression is that they do not socialize with each other to the same degree we did in Germany.
I am wondering every once in a while if that is a consequence of the Mormon check list.
February 26, 2010 at 5:51 pm
By that I mean that if you are constantly being judged then privacy comes at a premium.
February 26, 2010 at 5:58 pm
There are other cleavages in Mormonism: convert and legacy Mormons, orthodox and jack Mormons, and, as Chanson pointed out, Deseret and mission field Mormons.
Deseret was the original name of the Mormon settlements in the Rocky Mountains, which are today in Utah and the surrounding states.
I cannot quite put my finger on it but there are also very interesting class dynamics, especially, among Deseret and legacy Mormons.
February 26, 2010 at 6:08 pm
I think that to a certain extent just being crazy-busy is the issue. I have plenty of non-member friends, and we have the same problems getting together as my Mormon friends and I do. Work schedules, kid schedules, fatigue, illness, extended family commitments–we’re all too busy to socialize. It’s a shame, but not a direct consequence of the checklist and/or judging each other.
February 26, 2010 at 6:42 pm
That’s not what I am talking about, Jani. People are crazy busy everywhere.
I am talking about people avoiding each other, not asking each other in when you are already standing on the front porch, or proclaiming that your daughters cannot be friends any longer because you happen to own Schindler’s List, which is, after all rated R.
I have seen it many times in many Salt Lake neighborhoods and wards. Many Deseret Mormons tend to value privacy higher than neighborliness.
February 26, 2010 at 6:52 pm
Hellmut, what you are describing sounds to me like typical mainstream American culture these days. I’ve noted — at least here in California — that most people, of all religious stripes, have become less neighborly, as 1) people get too crazy-busy and tired to be open/kind to people who are different from themselves (i.e. they become much less tolerant of differences, which often require mental energy to navigate); and as 2) the Internet makes it that much easier to “socialize” with identical-minded folks, who will also not guilt them for failing to follow through on social commitments.
February 26, 2010 at 7:55 pm
I would respectfully disagree, Janis. How many people in your realm have forbidden their children to socialize with your children because you happen to own a copy of Schindler’s List?
That’s not how typical Americans behave. Perhaps, it’s not even typical for Mormons but this kind of behavior is fairly common.
February 26, 2010 at 8:05 pm
Do people have a hard time remembering your name too?
February 26, 2010 at 8:24 pm
Pardon, Jami, and to add insult to injury, I meant Larisa. LOL
Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.
February 26, 2010 at 8:27 pm
Sorry, Hellmut. That last post was from your friendly moderator, not from Jami. And it is, in fact how I have seen a number of non-Mormon Christians behave here in California. Recently, several of them refused (quite vehemently) to even look at a video made by a friend — one designed to teach young children to count to 20 — simply because it had one scene in which it quoted a line of the Bible in it. (What if it was quoting from the “wrong” (i.e. unapproved) bit of the Bible — the horror.) It stands out in my memory because I was so shocked by the attitude. And yet, it is sadly not uncommon. I suppose there are hyper-judgmental people in all religions, if you pick the right (wrong) neighborhood. But then, as you pointed out earlier, there is likely to be quite a bit of variation, depending upon which specific sub-community/neighborhood/country you happen to focus on. I will certainly keep this point in mind.
But this conversation seems to be drifting a bit, focusing more on the social/political tensions and barriers between sub-communities of the Mormon church. I’m really more interested in the customary practices of daily life, within a Mormon family. I’d like to request that we turn back to the initial line of inquiry.
Thanks!
February 26, 2010 at 11:36 pm
The comment structure on this blog is interesting…is it…reversed?
I can only give a small slice of the entire pie, I guess, since I have — as many of the others — a different background.
I think if you wanted a “richly American Mormon community” where Mormonism is not the minority, then you’d want to hear from some people who live in Utah/Idaho/Wasatch Front/etc., Shouldn’t be too difficult to find.
However, what I find is that Utah culture (or the culture of this area) is still something a bit different than Mormon culture.
When I refer to Mormon culture, I refer to a kind of language and sharing of experience outside of Utah or Idaho. For example, growing up in a mostly non-Mormon area is kinda critical. In church, we are taught that we are a “peculiar people,” and we are “in the world but not of it.” This message hits home when we realize that, compared to others, our beliefs and practices *are* seen as peculiar, and we don’t have a lot of allies with outsiders.
There is a persecution complex. Traditionally, non-Mormons have not been very kind or accepting of Mormons. This actually serves as a double bind against ex/post Mormons (as I tried to comment in my post). Because if someone leaves the church, they don’t become non-Mormon. Rather, they become post/ex/former/Mormon. This tags them with their old family and friends (they left the church! oh no!), but the ex-member also can’t so easily slip in with the never Mormon crowd, because he still *knows* the Mormon language (the phrases that I used before are some of the characteristic phrases.)
I think the marginalization, then, is huge. Having a group of “Mormon friends” and then a separate group of “non-Mormon friends” (who don’t understand your faith, at best, and who despise it, at worst), is big, I think.
I think another thing is that the church is very correlated. I mean, think of a McDonalds. Everywhere you go in the world, you can get a Big Mac. It is true that there are some region-specific specials, BUT you can get standardized McDonald’s food for the same expected taste anywhere in the world.
The LDS church is similar. So, you know that not only are *you* learning particular messages, phrases, buzz words, and a culture…but this is the same everywhere. You can pick up right where you left off if you’re traveling anywhere in the world (unless one ward or another is a week behind or ahead or something like that…)
I could probably write more, but I think that’s it for this comment.
February 27, 2010 at 6:45 am
Sorry about the confusing arrangement of all these lovely comments! There had been some kind of partial nesting rule turned on. I have deactivated it. From now on, I believe that comments will be posted in order of submission, with most recent entries on top.
February 27, 2010 at 7:48 am
It was the “most recent entries on top” part that was tripping me out.
February 27, 2010 at 10:56 am
Interesting string of comments. Just for full disclosure – I am 46 yrs old, a very active Mormon, served a mission in Korea, etc. I have been happily married for 23 years and have 6 children, 2 of which are in Brazil as Missionaries.
My parents were converts when I was a small child, and we lived mostly on the east (U.S.) coast where Mormons are a small minority. I’m sure all of this has affected my ‘cultural’ exposure to the church. Quite frankly I am generally uncomfortable with the culture in predominant Mormon communities such as Utah, Idaho, etc.
Having said that my family and I live very much the Mormon life. We do not think our relationship with God is a 1 hr. commitment every other Sunday or so; we live it every day.
It effects our daily schedules with kids in Seminary at 6AM, opportunities to work with church sponsored Boy Scouts, campouts, etc. We strive to be service minded – we live Colorado and my sons and I are always the car that stops to help someone stuck in the snow. This morning was the 8.8 earthquake in Chile – I just talked to the mother of a missionary in Santiago – they will be (without any news cameras) the first ones there serving in the relief efforts in Concepcion – just as they were the first ones in Haiti, New Orleans, etc.
Now having said that …. I appreciate Hellmut’s point of view as it is very predominant – specifically with his concepts of ‘obedience markers’ and ‘checklists’. There is a confusion that I see very frequently. We doctrinally know that we can only get to heaven through Christ’s atonement – but there is this interesting tendancy and pride based arrogance that many members have in that they think they are going to ‘earn’ their salvation by living up to this checklist.
Hellmut – just so you know – there are those of us that are working to correct this confusion. But it is, as you pointed out, a source of judgementalism that is shameful. In our defense, I have had more than a dozen parents of my children’s school-mates tell their kids that they could not be friends or date my children because we were Mormon.
Worse than our outward judgements though, I believe, is the level of guilt that many Mormons put on themselves because of these ‘obedience markers’. There is a huge confusion between the commandments that are necessary for our salvation, and those great suggestions to keep us happy, healthy, safe, etc. that have been given by our prophets. Case in point is the caffein debate – great idea – not a sin – not gonna keep you out of heaven. And there are countless examples of this – R rated movies, gambling, etc.
I look forward to any comments or questions any of you have. Thanks Larisa.
February 27, 2010 at 11:50 am
Hah! How about THAT. Chronologically ordered comments from top to bottom. Hopefully that will make the conversation easier to follow.
For Andrew: Could you be a little more concrete and specific about that “shared language” and how (if at all) it manifests in behavior? Are you merely talking about words and phrases that Mormons use to self-refer, to help comfort the group against the almost knee-jerk bad behavior you receive from outsiders? Or are there specific, behavioral differences (aside from specific dietary restrictions and family religious study) that you feel set you apart? I read the term (I think it was on your site somewhere), “hip to be square.” Can you speak at all to what defines this sense of “squareness”?
And, for all of you (a question which is almost the reverse of the one I just asked):
It is sounding to me that obedience and conformity may be not just a bones of contention re: judging others/”earning” salvation argument, but a core value of the Mormon community, in general. Would you agree/disagree with this assessment? (I think I can guess where Hellmut stands on this
)
February 27, 2010 at 12:02 pm
Conformity is certainly not a stated value, Larisa. I think of it as more along the lines of you can be whatever you want to be, do whatever you want within these set boundaries. For people who want to live outside those commandment-based boundaries that’s going to feel pretty restrictive.
BTW, it is incredibly difficult to talk about obedience without making it religious.
February 27, 2010 at 12:48 pm
I would say obedience is the correct principle, and absolutely a core value – it is based on conviction and faith, where conformity is the cultural version that is generally full of confusion, and turns people into disgruntled Ex-Mormons when their faith is tested.
February 27, 2010 at 2:08 pm
Larisa, such a tough question!
I don’t know how fully I can put this. I can say first that the “shared language” is *not* just a comfort for the group against bad behavior from outsiders. Rather, this language helps shape and entire worldview (religious or not) to help Mormons traverse the world. I mention all the persecution because that just happens to be a big part for many Mormons to have to deal with in the world.
Um…lemme think. One thing I’ve noticed is this radical idea of free will and ideal of self-sufficiency and using these to achieve things. In a specific religious sense, it is used to seek the Gospel, seek God (and if you don’t believe, then the pressure is to study, read, pray, etc., until you do), etc., But in a more generalized sense, this free will mentality is used to consciously commit to keeping certain standards. I guess mileage may vary, but I see a lot of Mormons trying to do “so much” — to be involved in the community, to get ahead in education and a job, to provide for family, etc., — and they seem to take every responsibility on their own shoulders.
So, I guess I see, sometimes, a tendency to be overwhelmed by “failure” to achieve every goal…whereas many non-Mormons I know would say, “Oh, it was just bad luck,” or “Oh, it wasn’t my fault,” or something like that.
I really don’t know how to put it. I think “hip to be square” was from a comment, and not one of my posts, but I don’t know which commenter wrote it.
February 27, 2010 at 2:55 pm
Tough questions, in my opinion, are the only ones worth asking!
And I do appreciate your effort to tackle this one. It raises a thought which I think dovetails with Jami’s last comment on how difficult it is to talk about some of these things without making it religious. So, I am going to risk stepping on my own rule for a moment, and allow a bit of theology to creep into my next question.
My understanding (correct me if I’m wrong on this), is that a core piece of Mormon theology is that we humans originally lived with God, and will by His grace, one day return. However, it is the ideal goal to live this Earthly life in a manner that not so much *earns* the right to return, but *makes one more worthy* to live in God’s presence. (Question is coming, please wait for it.) In that context, the tendency to adhere to strict standards of living, and take seriously the duty of doing a GOOD job at all those responsibilities that Andrew mentioned, makes complete sense. It would also explain what I have heard non-Mormons describe as the extreme joyfulness they often sense in the (often young) Mormons they encounter — when they feel they are succeeding at meeting those goals, it must provide a profound sense of joy and satisfaction. However, might that also lead to a heavy sense of guilt/despair in adulthood, as the responsibilities become more overwhelming, and difficult to manage well? A sense of never quite measuring up? And of course, the natural response to that emotion in some people, may be to start comparing themselves to other people in that harsh, judgmental manner that Hellmut was mentioning earlier? In some ways, the frighteningly high expectations of the group could be the blessing/curse that drives much of the specific behaviors. So, does this take sound right to you?
February 27, 2010 at 3:07 pm
However, might that also lead to a heavy sense of guilt/despair in adulthood, as the responsibilities become more overwhelming, and difficult to manage well?
Yes, yes, YES.
In some ways, the frighteningly high expectations of the group could be the blessing/curse that drives much of the specific behaviors. So, does this take sound right to you?
This does sound right to me.
See, if I could address something you said before:
My understanding (correct me if I’m wrong on this), is that a core piece of Mormon theology is that we humans originally lived with God, and will by His grace, one day return.
If we had some ex-Mormons who became Evangelical Christians (or some other non-LDS Christian group), then I would probably predict that they would raise up how they have perceived that Mormonism devalues grace, instead emphasizing faith plus works. Mormons will point out, “Well, we believe in grace and faith too! We are saved by faith, after all we can do.”
It is that second part, the “after all we can do” that permeates through everything and changes the perspective. There is a discussion on Mormon Matters that tries to analogize it. I hope it is not too theological for you, but I guess it is written primarily to compare and contrast theology: http://mormonmatters.org/2010/02/26/grace-vs-works-an-oar-with-your-name-on-it/
I’d say what is even worse about this despair/not quite measuring up is this idea in the church that “men are that they might have joy.” Joy and happiness are crucial. There is a thing said about wickedness: “wickedness never was happiness.” So, this isn’t universally believed, but sometimes, it is believed that when you are depressed/unhappy/in despair, then that is a sign that you are *failing* to be *righteous*. I think that this goes beyond religious activities and into non-religious activities.
February 27, 2010 at 4:58 pm
I was just going to say something about the joy/despair part of Mormon culture. There’s also a Mormon scripture that says “despair cometh because of iniquity” or something to that effect. So culturally, this translates to a sense that righteousness and happiness are closely linked. If you’re not happy, it’s probably your fault, and if you look happy, you righteous, etc. It is a lot of pressure, kind of a recipe for neuroticism really.
Another part of Mormon culture is the emphasis on femininity for women. There’s this book, Fascinating Womanhood, written by a Mormon women, basically a guide to how to please men. Hugely popular in the Church, and it is all about how women are supposed to seem weak, fragile, helpless, childlike, and dependent in order to appeal to men. See article by Mormon feminist Holly Welker:
http://www.bitchmagazine.org/article/forever-your-girl
And this fascinating story:
http://latterdaymainstreet.com/?p=849
If you’re in a hurry, just check out the illustrations and they will give you the sense of what I’m talking about.
February 27, 2010 at 5:54 pm
Fascinating Woman was hugely popular a long time ago. It was originally published about 45 years ago. An LDS friend of mine in her fifties recalls the adult women wandering around with childish hair bows and frilly dresses. Truly odd, yes, but then it was the age of Aquarius. There were plenty of odd things going on.
February 27, 2010 at 8:18 pm
A couple of things stand out to me, as a “listener-in” to this discussion. In my experience the devotion to family is a huge part of LDS culture, at least from my practicing friends and some acquaintances I have met here in the northeast, and I find it stands out against contemporary American culture in general. I work in health care and am constantly amazed — and saddened — by the fracturing that occurs among many families; at best, a simple distancing caused by smaller nuclear families that tend not to commit to living near one another and missing out on the “little everyday” events that knit families together, at worst, an alienation that causes outright abandonment of its members and the belief that its most damaged members should be someone else’s problem. I’ve been impressed by the high priority set on family connectedness among the Mormons I know.
Second: There’s been a lot of comment on the value of “obedience” which actually rings bells in my experience in evangelical Christian circles. I think there’s a more universal question, at the place where religion and culture intersect. What’s the relationship between our faith and the good deeds we do? If I’m reading Joe’s comment right, then the ideal in Mormon culture (not dissimilar to the ideal in evangelical Christianity) is that obedience should not be out of guilt or conversely out of a desire to be seen as “good” or “better than others”, but is driven by faith, or what I’d describe as a strong sense of connectedness to God and being in a dynamic relationship with God. The conflict arises when the cultural community begins to set itself up too rigidly as the representative of everyone’s relationship with God, or the individual within the community begins to perceive other primary reasons for obedience than that faith, such as conformity within the community or within their own family. It’s not an easy line to walk for any faith practitioner, because it’s too easy to lean too heavily on the empirical representations of faith for guidance, rather than the Source of faith directly. It’s natural, because as humans who seek community even in our most individualistic expressions, we tend to set up rules and regs to provide communities with some sense of order. So I think the experiences of others with Mormons who exhibit judgmentalism or checklist-following are easily paralleled in other faith groups, and I think is more universal.
February 27, 2010 at 10:12 pm
In my opinion one of the most awesome things about LDS theology is the doctrine that this mortal life is just a short part of an eternal progression during which we eventually become just like God. So many other religious people call Mormons out on that and mock it as if it were something to be embarrassed about. I think they typically see it as if Mormons believed that they just transform into gods after they die or something. I had always seen it as taking at least a billion years for that to happen. Just the grand scale of it all. Slowly progressing throughout all eternity from the small seeds that we are to the awesome graceful and godly beings we could be in the eternities.
So I guess you could say that perfectionism runs pretty strong among Mormons. Perfection is seen as an ideal that can be, if not completely met, very closely approximated during this life. There are a lot of talks about how to remove your imperfections, make your weaknesses strengths, repent of sins of commission as well as omission, stand in holy places, don’t eat the ice cream if it has a cockroach in it, etc.
For a long time I had only seen the good side of this quest for perfection. I got all my Mormon points and didn’t sow any wild oats. I’ve eventually become more aware of the creepy underside of the perfectionism rock.
March 17, 2010 at 4:22 pm
I would say that conformity is a Mormon value–as said before, not a stated one. But Mormons, in my experience, aren’t very tolerant of things like dying your hair funky colors, piercings (besides girls with pierced ears), different styles of dress other than Sunday best at Church, as these are viewed as “worldly” practices.
In effect that’s not much different from your typical socially conservative type people, but I guess you can take that to indicate a specific motive for Mormon enforcement of “normalcy”, as wordly things are seen to take one away from the truth/church/holy spirit/God/whatever. One mormon teaching is that the spirit of god only dwells in worthy vessels, and will bugger off if you do something bad.
For Mormons, Satan and temptation is everywhere, and frequently they see any impulse to avoid bad situations as a “prompting” of the holy ghost. Most sins and “evil desires” are attributed to the devil’s temptation–this leads to a good deal of mormons to feel
So a lot of daily experience is filtered through this spiritual “lens” that tends to be a tug-of-war between good and evil spirits. (This is pretty well in accordance with the 19th century magical worldview held by the first mormons.)
There are also loads of Mormon jargon, including a lot of words that would normally not stick out, which have specific meanings attached to the Mormon world view. Not having considered myself Mormon for a decade or so, it’s hard to remember a lot of it. But for example, “Brother” and “Sister” are commonly used to refer to other members who aren’t your close friends or social peers. So as a kid I would refer to adults as brother or sister [last name]. Adults would often do the same.
This was pretty ubiquitous behavior, making it sometimes awkward to meet mormons in a non-mormon environment. I remember a catholic friend asking if a lady was a nun or something, because I called her “sister”. (And after leaving the church, it became a bit akward to run into mormons older than myself, whom I’d have previously addressed as “brother”.) Occasionally a “brother” or “sister” would slip out to non-Mormon adults when I was a kid, also awkward!
Another thing that might not always be explicitly touched on is that mormons have a lay clergy–basically nobody at the congregation (ward/branch) level is paid, and the positions rotate between existing members who are active. The perception is generally that inspiration is the basis of these “callings” to church roles, but in actuality leaders seem often to poll people for recommendations, especially at the stake level (the level above the congregation level), where the relevant leader may now be familiar with the candidates for a position like bishop.
The perceptions of worthiness tie into the judgmentalism thing, in many cases, because bishops and others do have interviews that involve literal checklists of questions to see if you’re worthy for certain things–particularly entering the temple. This requires that you pay tithing, are “sexually pure”, and I beleieve if you follow the “word of wisdom”, at least to some degree (maybe as far as alcohol and smoking go). Temple visits are relatively infrequent compared to weekly church meetings. Much of what goes on inside is not discussed because it’s “sacred, not secret”, though you can find plenty of info about that if you look around the net.
This was one result on a search for “mormon glossary” btw:
http://www.lightplanet.com/mormons/daily/vocabulary_eom.htm